Surrounded by darkness, Kevin walked further into the bridge. It was narrow, enough room for only one car. Though cars only occasionally passed through, people tended to keep the area clear. The bottle of 2001 zinfandel was near empty, and Kevin's worries were pushed further and further down with each swallow. He could still smell the garlic on his clothes from the failed dinner. How did he get here, to this point? Why did he let it go so far?
A single car drove through blaring its horn to get him to move out of the way. He stumbled to the side and pressed his body against the wall, watching in hazy confusion as it passed by. The car was gone, as well as the distraction from his thoughts that it brought and stole away too quickly. The only thing to keep him sane was the bottle in his hands. Kevin still had himself pressed to the wall, but fell into a sitting position. As he emptied the bottle, he was left with a single thought.
Where did he go wrong?
i love the open ended ending, leaving room for thought by the reader
ReplyDeleteI like how the bottle plays a bigger role in this story even though it is a small item. I like how his problems are vague as well. It adds mystery to it.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the introduction. I felt like Kevin is kind of set up as a mysterious man, and I'm left wondering, "Where did he go wrong?"!!
ReplyDeleteAlso, great descriptions.
0.o
I really liked this one. Its a strong and engaging start. Id be interested to see what happens.
ReplyDeleteWhile reading the piece I found it entertaining each time you referenced a part of the prompt. Although a small part, I enjoyed how you added in the garlic.
ReplyDeleteI liked the story, i felt it is very realistic and that the descriptions are very real. I liked the questions, it leaves room for interpretation.
ReplyDeleteI love how you focus the attention to the bottle and how it was significant. The description you added was amazing.
ReplyDeleteI really like this story. I think you should continue it. It was really descriptive and allowed me to imagine it in my head. Good job
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this. There is mystery to it, and I think that's what brings it alive. I also think that you could add more to it.
ReplyDeletenice image. good moment. you encapsulate a lot in a little bit of room. there are definitely questions of where'd he come from? what did he do? and what will happen? all of which are good questions for a reader to have. is the scene too cliched though? it does depend on what else you would do with it.
ReplyDelete